The Wizard, the Mattress, and Luke Danes
by Elinor Bloomsbury
Summary: Lorelai takes Luke up on his offer to see a movie. Her choice: "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban."


Disclaimer: "Gilmore Girls" and its characters belong to Amy Sherman-Palladino, Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions, Hofflund Polone, and Warner Bros. Television. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  
Spoilers: Anything from "Raincoats and Recipes" is fair game. I also give away the plots to "The Professional," "The Sixth Sense," "Casablanca," and a plot point or two and the actors in "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban" so you haven't seen any of those, here's your heads-up.  
  
Author's note: I wrote this earlier this summer before there were any spoilers to speak of so anything that turns up in the new season is pure coincidence, though I like to think ASP and I are linked somehow.

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The Wizard, the Mattress, and Luke Danes

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"Luke!"  
  
Lorelai stormed into Luke's Diner with a purpose. And with only the couple paying their bill at the register and Kirk sitting alone in the corner, her purpose became that much easier.  
  
"Luke, I need you to close up early tonight," she said as she approached the counter, stepping aside as the couple moved to leave.  
  
"And hello to you, too."  
  
"Will you close?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"It's for a very important reason."  
  
"Which is?"  
  
"I need you to come see 'Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban' with me."  
  
"And I'm ten all of a sudden?"  
  
"It'll be fun. It can be like that real date we keep talking about."  
  
"Lorelai!" Luke hissed under his breath and leaned closer over the counter. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"  
  
It had been three weeks since the kiss, or kisses really, outside the Dragonfly. Two and a half weeks since they decided to keep this - whatever this was - between themselves for a while. And one day since Luke got rid of his mattress upstairs and replaced it with a queen-sized one (but if anyone asked, he'd say it was a king).  
  
Lorelai shrugged. "What? It's only Kirk." But from Luke's patented stare, she knew he was right to be cautious. "Kirk," she said louder, "you almost done there?"  
  
"Almost. I just have to wait for my coffee to cool off some more. I burned my tongue last week."  
  
"Okay, well, don't mind us." Lowering her voice, she said to Luke, "Kick him out."  
  
"I can't kick him out. He's a paying customer."  
  
"But I want to have this conversation at regular bantering speed and volume and we can't do that if Kirk's here."  
  
"Well, he does seem to be staring at that cup awfully hard. Maybe he won't hear us." The smile that escaped from Luke's face left Lorelai just the tiniest bit flustered.  
  
"Okay, so um, once Kirk there gets his coffee to room temperature, we'll go. There's a 10:20 showing at Bridgeport. We can get popcorn and soda and nachos and jujubes."  
  
"I haven't agreed to anything."  
  
"Oh, come on. It has that guy from that movie you like."  
  
"Please be a bit more vague."  
  
"Gary Oldman. From 'The Professional.' Or 'Leon' if you prefer. Or 'The Cleaner' if you're extra picky. The corrupt DEA agent who meets with the horrible death toward the end."  
  
"You just gave away the whole movie."  
  
"You've seen it. I've seen it. Anyone with Bravo's seen it."  
  
"Actually," Kirk chimed in, "I haven't."  
  
"You haven't seen 'The Professional'?" Lorelai asked, turning toward him in disbelief.  
  
"No."  
  
"You don't have Bravo?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Then where do go to get your hip tip of the day?"  
  
"Don't pay any attention to her," Luke said in an attempt to change the subject.  
  
"No, I'm serious, Kirk. You've never seen 'The Professional'?"  
  
"No, I haven't. Though it was on my list of movies to rent this weekend."  
  
"Oh, Kirk, I'm sorry. It sucks to have a movie ruined for you. What other movies were you planning on renting?"  
  
"Let's see." He paused as he dug out his actual list. "'Out of Africa.' 'The Professional.' 'Quills.' 'Raiders of the Lost Ark.' 'The Sixth Sense.' I'm been working my way through the alphabet on the days that Lulu's working. Took me forever to find a Q movie."  
  
"Ooh, 'Sixth Sense,'" Lorelai said with a giant smile. "I love the part where Bruce Willis finds out he's been dead the whole time."  
  
"What?" Kirk cowered.  
  
"Isn't that your favorite part, Luke?"  
  
"Yeah," he said, catching on. "Makes the whole movie."  
  
"I think maybe I should go," Kirk said, sliding his mug away from his plate.  
  
"Have you seen Casablanca? She gets on the plane!" Lorelai shouted on his way out the door. "That was fun," she giggled.  
  
"You are cruel and unusual, you know that?"  
  
"It's all part of my charm. Okay, now, let's just turn over the little closed sign thingy in the window and we can be on our way."  
  
"I'm not going."  
  
"Luke - "  
  
"It's a children's movie."  
  
"But aren't we all children at heart?"  
  
"Not me."  
  
"Why, yes, of course not. You came out of the womb fully flannelled with a five o'clock shadow."  
  
"Lorelai - "  
  
"Luke, it's a cultural phenomenon. Give it another week and you're gonna be required by law to see it. Why not go when you've still got your free will?"  
  
"They're based on children's books. As in 'written for children.'" Luke took out a rag and began wiping down the counter.  
  
"You know, I like to think I discovered the Harry Potter books."  
  
"You do, do you?"  
  
"Well, not 'with this flag I claim you for Spain' kind of discovered. But no one in Stars Hollow was reading them until Rory and I enlightened the masses. And then you couldn't walk ten feet without hearing someone using the words 'muggle' or 'Hogwarts.'"  
  
"Still not gonna see the movie," Luke said, throwing down the rag and gathering up the dishes left at Kirk's abandoned table.  
  
"But-but-it's got Gary Oldman and-and Maggie Smith!"  
  
"Well, now you've won me over," he replied sarcastically.  
  
"Do not tell me you do not like Maggie Smith. 'Sister Act?' 'Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit?' Okay, what about Robbie Coltrane? 'GoldenEye?' Emma Thompson - okay, I'm just gonna assume you haven't seen 'Sense and Sensibility' - "  
  
"Wise assumption," Luke interjected.  
  
"Ooh, Alan Rickman. You must have seen 'Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.'"  
  
"Was that the real version or the Mel Brooks version?"  
  
"The real version, but look at you knowing there's a difference."  
  
"I've never heard of half of the movies you've just mentioned."  
  
"Okay, we are getting you a Blockbuster card, buddy."  
  
"Do the movie people know about you?"  
  
"Listen, if I remember correctly you were the one who suggested seeing a movie. So this is it. I'm exercising my right. It's either 'Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban' or 'The Story of the Weeping Camel.'"  
  
"Okay, is that last one even a real movie?"  
  
"Make your choice, my friend, and find out." Lorelai made sure her smile went into full sparkle mode.  
  
"I still don't think - "  
  
"Hey, was that a delivery truck I saw here yesterday morning?"  
  
"You're changing the subject? You never change the subject."  
  
"Lucky you. There was a delivery truck here yesterday?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And what were they delivering?"  
  
"Something I ordered."  
  
"And what would that be?"  
  
Luke raised his hand to wipe his mouth in an attempt to mumble his words.  
  
"I didn't quite catch that, Luke."  
  
"It's a new mattress," he said, shoving his hands in his pockets.  
  
"A new - "  
  
"Mattress, yes. I bought a new mattress," he replied with as much confidence as he could muster. "And some sheets."  
  
"Sheets?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"What color?"  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"What color are your sheets?"  
  
"Um, green, I think."  
  
"Green? Like are they forest green, olive green, sea green? What kind of green?"  
  
"I don't know. They're green."  
  
"And why this sudden need to change your bedding apparel?"  
  
"Just thought it was time."  
  
"Uh huh," Lorelai said as she tried to stifle a grin and avoid Luke's eye in the same breath. "Well, you will consult me if you decide to change those curtains that I love because it would be a crime and a shame if you got rid of them as a result of an impulse buy at Bed, Bath, and Beyond."  
  
"I do not shop at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I can't even tell you what they sell at Bed, Bath, and Beyond."  
  
"Three guesses, Luke."  
  
"Can we get back to the movie?"  
  
"Oh, you've changed your mind?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Then why change the subject?"  
  
"Lucky you."  
  
"Okay, then. 10:20 showing. That means if we leave in the next seven minutes we can still catch the previews."  
  
"You don't want to see this stupid thing with Rory?"  
  
"Rory won't be home for another three weeks. And besides, it's Friday night. I don't know what to do with myself."  
  
Luke sighed and took a long look at the smile that was fading from Lorelai's face. "Okay," he said through a deep exhale.  
  
"You'll go with me?" she said, immediately perking up.  
  
"Yes."  
  
Lorelai was practically bouncing at the sound of Luke's response.  
  
"Now you do realize there will be wizards and witches in this movie. And also a werewolf. You might get scared."  
  
"I'm sure I'll be fine."  
  
"Will you also make me a wand?"  
  
"Tell ya what," he said as he advanced toward the door to reverse the sign that hung there. "We'll stop by Al's Pancake World and get you a chopstick."  
  
"Can we also get some kung pow chicken while we're there?"  
  
Luke's response was to stand aside and hold the door open for Lorelai. As she passed, she leaned in for a quick kiss that Luke returned with the same desire and intensity as that night at the Dragonfly.  
  
Lorelai was the first to speak. Her voice was barely above a whisper. "And after the movie, maybe we could see what we can do about figuring out what color those sheets really are."

end


End file.
